-------------------------------------
"Don't call us saints. We don't want to be dismissed that easily!" -Dorothy Day
-------------------------------------
The week before our long vacation sure went by fast! Anyway, our vacation was pretty sweet. We spent a total of about 35 hours in a bus in 8 days. We saw 2 sets of Mayan ruins and 3 new cities/villages. I ate out a bunch and still managed to spend less than the Q1200 that I brought. I had some incredible conversations and realizations. I'm getting good at packing and traveling! I jumped off a bridge near Cemuq Champey, three times. That was my favorite part of the trip. I enjoyed the largest natural land bridge(Cemuq Champey, not the one I jumped from) in Central America (or something like that). I went caving for the first time ever and jumped off a cliff into a pool inside the caves. I wrote letters in reply to friends and received some emails of both extremes. The trip helped me to have more clarity on my priorities and goals. I have a new energy for my passions. There are some really great people in my group. I've learned a lot about everyone.
-------------------------------------
"Your courage asks me 'What am I afraid of?'"
"All men die, but few truly live." -William Wallace
-------------------------------------
It may be now more than ever that I see how important what I'm doing is; my present, my goals, my plans. This most-recent realization has come from a renewal in my prayer life, a strong fellow disciple, and some recent setbacks. The way I see it, the devil is proving to me how good the things are in my present, my goals, and my plans, by trying to screw up things wherever possible. He has accentuated depression, created rifts between me and two of my closest friends, and continues to attack my prayer life. I see it every time I'm too tired, without good reason, to pursue my passions, care about others, or do my school work. I see it when the care and love that Jesus puts in my heart overflows and a voice in my head tells me that it wouldn't be appropriate to show whichever person the love I know God has for them, or that they wouldn't want it, or that they'll think I'm weird in the future, or just that I will fail miserably caring and/or loving that person. I see it with distractions in prayer. I see it in temptations to lust after women. What I've found is that it's not enough to recognize that these things simply aren't coming from God or from myself. I've also found that it's not enough to try to combat these on my own, because while I may do well for a moment, I eventually fail on that route. It's very important to me to call on the Holy Spirit, St. Michael the Archangel, the power of the resurrection, among other things to come to my assistance. Many times, I let the devil "get a foot in the door." And many times, it's not me who is going to be able to get him out. I've seen it time and time again that this battle is real, and it takes always being out on the watch. It takes watching even when that voice says the evil one isn't around anymore. It takes serious choices for good and not a lesser good, a counterfeit, twisted good. So I write this knowing that it's just another reason to get attacked more and more, but I write in confidence that I have the One who triumphs on my side. It is clear to me that God wants me to do important things for His Kingdom, so I continue on knowing that I will be harassed continually. I step forward in faith, and I ask that those closest to me take into account what I've said here as a dynamic of my interactions.
-------------------------------------
"Take, O Lord, and reviece my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will. All that I am and all the I posess You have given me: I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more. Amen." -St. Ignatius Loyola
"Veritas
The world revolves around a sun of indifference
that sprouts flowers of passive hope.
We use words like love and compassion to set us apart
From the very system we've built.
Take an extra breath today, and someone else will end up suffocating.
Your existence means more than you have yet to fathom.
The poor are not poor because their actions choose it.
The criminals are not criminals because their hearts desire it.
The system exists because every day we nourish it.
The oppressors never willingly release the oppressed.
The haves never see as well as the have nots.
But the dreamers need to remember that one snowflake starts an avalanche.
And the fighters need to jump on top, and shake the mountain."
-Maria (CLI Baltimore, 2006)
-------------------------------------
The next quote has a lot to do with my life right now. John Updike wrote it about Ted Williams talking about why he was a classic baseball player. I found it on CNN the other day in an article about why we continue to watch sports competitions. The writer was talking about how we can always tell when a player isn't putting all their effort into it, and that we keep watching to see them do something extraordinary, where they put all their energy into doing something really great. It's that point where it'd be okay if things were just done okay, but everyone is always waiting for "a thing done well." I feel like I've been doing things just good enough to get by for so long that I'm ready to start realizing my potential more regularly. I'm not trying to be watched, but I'm always watching for those moments where I'm really doing things well, when I'm really living. Things like jumping off the top railing of a bridge into a cold river.I'm ready to get going, but I find myself sitting back a lot. This is what I'm working on, and I know I will be better off for it. I'm not trying to just do enough to get by. I'm working for the Kingdom. That takes more. magis.
-------------------------------------
"...when the only thing at stake is the tissue-thin difference between a thing done well and a thing done ill." -John Updike
-------------------------------------
So this is really long, and I didn't tell you too much about exactly what I've been up to. Sorry. I'm sure there are a few things up there that you liked. I'm happy to be in this next phase. I have real classes at the university at 9am and 11am (Mayan Cosmovision and Liberation Theology) and spanish classes from 2-7pm monday through wednesday (which I'm trying to change to tuesday through thursday so I can have a full 4-day weekend) and I volunteer on wednesday mornings. More about all this to come. Know how much I care and love you all! And know how much more God has for you! Keep in touch...
-------------------------------------
"No height, no depth can keep me from your love" -
-------------------------------------
2 comments:
Oh Chris,
Thank you for your beautiful words...this post especially is something I can relate to (well, minus the stuff about Guatemala).
I love the Suscipe. And I love you! My prayer for you is one of support and encouragement--that you would find peace, and that God will give you the strength to do so while giving you the opportunity to live deeply through His grace.
Be well!
JJ the Polar Bear :)
Chris,
It is fun to see you grow. Your Blog is a great way to see yourself and how you are growing. Life is change, constant weather we like it or not. Embrace the changes that effect your life and avoid hiding from the truths in life. Your grasp of life and what is going on around and through your life is awesome.
Love Dad
Post a Comment